Lucidity

and I...
I'm afraid to go to sleep.
I'm afraid of the silence,
and of hearing my thoughts...
I'm afraid of losing control of my breathing.
I'm afraid of going numb.

I telling myself that it will shut off,
but it's hopeless. I know.
I'm broken...
I lost it years ago and I could never recover.
I tell everyone that I'm OK,
but I'm not.

I'm way far from being OK... way far from being sane.
Way far far from being here.
Way far... way far...

And somehow... somehow... there is one thing that keeps me going
there is one ... maybe two or three things... Maybe none.
that brings me back... to listen to people's stories.
'Cause that's all I'm about.

I hear stories, I dream stories... I write stories...
I'm a storyteller... of all the things I see and imagine...
except my own story...
That...
That I cannot tell.
Not because I can't
Not because I'm ashamed.
But because I know
Oh, I know.
I know that if I do... things will never be the same.
If I do... then I lose you.
and you are the closest thing I've ever known to resemble sanity,
and clarity
And however crazy that may sound...
To me, it's the only thing that makes sense in my minds.