It's happening

- It wasn't your fault. You were sick!

- That's right, I was sick... but I am still sick. The only difference between that time and now is that now I know I'm sick. I know what happens to my body and my mind, and I swear I fight everyday with that, but she's right, there's no guarantee that I won't lose it again... and I totally understand if she doesn't want to be around when that happens, so if she wants to stay away, the least I can do is to respect her decision, as much as it hurts... I screwed it up. I should've know better...

But I don't know better... and it's happening again... I'm starting to get bad again... I'm losing it... I have troubles thinking and realizing where I am, or what's the role I'm supposed to play. I have troubles breathing, and I have the flu again. I already lost my voice twice this week, and I... I-I simply can't think...and... and I don't want to talk anymore... I mean I want to talk... but I'm afraid to say something stupid... something I might regret. Something that might hurt someone. Someone I might forget... and like when I was a child, I'm afraid to go to school... I'm afraid to say something wrong... or to do something wrong and then don't remember it.